Happy and Hollow

There’s a lump in my throat, rocks in my gut

Want to run but I won’t, can’t get out of this rut

I’m still not the person that I want to be

But slowly I’m learning what it means to be me

Can’t see where I’m headed, I can’t hear a sound

So I feel for the walls as I stumble around

Hoping so badly that I’ll find a hold

And if I stop moving I’ll rot and I’ll mold

I spend countless hours killing time each day

Just hoping and dreaming for a map, or a way

At the times I want something so bad I can taste it

And the universe won’t give it up, I just fake it

They all think that I’m happy, doing just fine

But these thoughts in my skull drive me out of my mind

They never let go, held hostage in my head

And it takes all my energy to just rise from bed

Don’t know where I’m headed, barely know where I’ve been

Looking for something to make me whole once again

It’s not in a bottle, doesn’t flow through a pipe

Simply want a way to turn on the light

On the good days it feels like I’ve lit a match

I can see just enough for a plan to hatch

Then it burns out, all fades back to black

And I wonder if I’ll ever find my way back

To the place where I was, to the knowledge I found

Like a long-forgotten treasure, deep underground

I dig and I dig, but the ground won’t give way

I get weaker and weaker, each wasted day

I have very few companions, and all lost like me

But sometimes it helps to turn “I” into “we”

Collaboration, brainstorming, a collective mind

When luck’s on our side, it helps us to find

Something ahead, some glimmer of light

A goal to move towards, a reason to fight

The path that we travel will never be straight

Some find it easy, and I pity their fate

They’ll spend their lives in a cage, following the rules

Running in a wheel, nibbling pellets like fools

Outside the box is the place to be

But outside the box there are few besides me

And the ones that I find are equally bleak

Beaten down by the truth, broken and weak

Yet it’s a better option than being trapped inside

So many never lived, til the moment they died

Those of us who are out wandering free

Are the hope of the world, the example to be

We're the template of change, the ones to follow

Better unhappy and sane, than happy and hollow